Does God really exist ?

Convicted and guilty, that is how I felt today. You know that I have written about many things on this blog, including my experiences and how God is holding us up in the struggle with cancer.

There is one thing that I feel I have failed to do, and that is to tell you the complete story. No, it’s not that I told you lies, but there is more to the story. It is about God’s miracles, His Grace and His great love. Henrietta and I have truly experienced Gods far reaching provisions in a way that I have never shared publicly and only with a few people. My personal reasoning for it was that it really is not anyone’s business how God cares for us personally. Yet God has convicted me time and again that I should come out and “show and tell”. Today was my breaking point and I finally gave in to my conviction. In the next weeks I am going to sit down and put it all to paper. I know that it will be my longest posting ever because it goes back well before I was diagnosed with cancer. I just needed to post this promise so that I cannot back out and God will get the glory and honour He deserves. I believe with all my heart that we so often fail to talk about Gods care while he cares for us day after day. We so easily complain and fail to give glory to God, we so often ask God for help, but fail to listen to what He has to say to us and tell of His wondrous love toward us. That is what convicted me, and soon you will know that God exist in a very real way.

We can read in the Bible about some incredible (or should I say credible) moving stories how Daniel survived a night among a bunch of lions and never got touched by these ravening predators, or how Jonah was swallowed up by a big fish when he was thrown overboard at his own request and survived three days inside the fish with weeds wrapped around his head and finally ended up being spit out on a beach, or how that Elijah was fed by ravens while in the wilderness. Ravens of all things, birds that eat everything that comes within their eyesight and are some of the most selfish birds around, yet God commanded these birds to bring Elijah bread, and so they did. Amazing isn’t it! I have one of these stories and you will hear how great and merciful our Father in Heaven is. You can listen to one of these beautiful stories below, out of the mouth of a babe.

In the past I have heard of stories that happened to our grandfathers or some distant relative and how God helped in times of need. It is for that reason I want to tell my story myself while I am alive so my children or grandchildren don’t have to do it later.

On another note, it has been a trying and difficult couple of weeks to the point that it nearly broke me. (I think Chemo treatments could be used to bring criminals to confession). I am now on the path of recovery and have started eating again, and as before my appetite is growing by the hour. I am thankful for that because I have 10 Lbs to gain before the next round of Chemo. On Wednesday morning I felt so good that we booked a trip to the sunshine to leave the following morning, just to get out and recuperate a little only to have to cancel the same evening when I ended up in emergency. After getting an IV and some meds I felt better but not good enough to travel. Now we are staying put because Friday I need to go for a CT scan. My Oncologist requested this because I ended up quitting 3 days earlier with my Chemo than planned.

On January 17 I will visit the Oncologist for the results and start the same day on Chemotherapy treatments once again, that will be my 6th month on Chemo. I shudder at the thought of starting again.

The Chemo is taking a real toll on my body and I can feel how it is aging me; however, I am glad it is only my body that is aging and not my soul. Even though we had the disappointment of not going away, God is overshadowing these things with His countless blessings. Last week I had such beautiful and Godly conversations with people that called or that I met. Thank you for your cares, prayers , may God bless you all and keep you under His protecting care.

Rejoicing in Christ,

John