One year later

Exactly one year ago today my doctor stood across from me with tears in his eyes and said, John you have terminal cancer and one year to live, maybe a little more. After that my doctor sat down, looked at me and continued, humanly speaking there is no hope of healing for you, but God can do great things, pray for complete healing and I will do the same. How thankful I am to have a Christian doctor. It gave me much courage right from the start.

In the year that lays behind me I travelled through some deep valleys, mostly due to the Chemotherapy treatments but also at times bodily and spiritually, yet I can only say that God has been so good to me and Henrietta. You may think, so what’s so good about cancer. No, there is nothing good about cancer itself, yet it has taught me many things that I took for granted, it has also brought Henrietta and me much closer to God than ever before in our lives.

Never in my life did I encounter a serious illness and often took health for granted. I was never confronted with dying, sure I had some close calls, but even those never sank in as they should have. I thought about death and eternity and stood more than once at the graveside of a family member. Only 2 years ago my brother died at the age of 43, but it did not impact me as it did when I was diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly it was me that faced death. Before I was diagnosed, I prayed at times that God would not take me from this life in the blink of an eye as some close family members died of sudden heart failures, God has granted my request. I doubt that there was ever a time in my life where I learned so much about God and His Grace as the year behind me. It has made me look at life through different eyes and I understand many Bible verses and quotations of well known people much better now than ever before. Here are some examples.

• LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am. Psalm 39
• Give us each day our daily bread. Luke 11
• If riches increase, set not your heart on them. Psalm 62
• That life is made up of years that mean little, and moments that mean it all
• That I have a great need for Christ; and that I have a great Christ for my need. C.H.Spurgeon
• For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? Matthew 16
• So teach me to number my days that I may get a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90
• I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands. Psalm143
• We shall not go to heaven sailing along with sails swelling to the breeze, like sea birds with their fair white wings, but we shall proceed full often with sails rent to ribbons, with masts creaking, and the ship’s pumps both at work. C.H.Spurgeon.
• Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10.
• Lord, I believe, help my unbelief. Mark 9.
• Out of the brass of trials God fashions trumpets of triumph. Millie Stamm
• And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4

These are some of the text and quotations that have been of much encouragement but also much to think on, and pray for, during my illness. A friend has a website you can visit here that has many beautiful quotations from Godly men.

This past year was a year where my faith was tried, at times I wavered and sank beneath the waves of life, yet God remained faithful and upheld me through it all. Many people gave me much encouragement and I am so very thankful for that. However there are decisions and situations when I stand alone and pray that God will help me and I know He will because we serve a faithful God. (1Thessalonians 5:24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.)

We are so prone to take our burdens to everyone else first instead of the Lord who strengthens us by His sustaining hand, we are comforted by Him and will find that God is the one who can solve our problems and lighten our burdens.

Recently I came across a beautiful story of an ant carrying a piece of straw which appeared to be a tremendous burden for the tiny insect. The ant came up to a small crack which it could not cross. It stopped for a few seconds, and then, with amazing intelligence, used the piece of straw as a bridge to cross the crack. Learning from this wise little insect, we too can use our afflictions as steppingstones. If we cast our burdens on Christ, and slip our hands into His, our adversities are transformed into victories.

On March 8, I have to make a decision whether to go back on Chemo or not. It may sound like an easy decision to make but it is not so for me. I get extremely sick from Chemo treatments; it does little good if I have to stop early into treatments. Unless a Chemo is offered that I can tolerate I can hardly see myself go back on treatments. I am praying for wisdom and answers from God. Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Psalm 25:4.

I am doing remarkably well and I feel like a new person but cancer can be very hidden, on the other hand we are praying for complete healing so we should not be surprised but thankful and rejoice when God heals because of His promises. John 15:7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. Sooner or later God’s will, will be revealed. The only thing that bothers me at times is the occasional fogginess of memory called Chemo Brain. You can read about here.

Thank you for your care shown in so many ways. My request to you is that you pray that on March 8 my Oncologist will send me for a CT scan to see if indeed the cancer is retreating so I can continue on without Chemo Therapy treatments. Only God gives healing and does not need Chemo to heal.

Every story has an end, but in life every ending is just a new beginning. Where will your new beginning start?

 

John